Take Back The Power: How To Control The Thoughts In Your Mind

Everything that happens in life, every action we take, and how we feel all starts with our thoughts and is a creation of the mind. Interestingly, it is estimated only 40% of the population frequently work on their mindset. Even today potential new clients still approach me asking why I frequently use the phrase, ‘your mindset is everything.’ It is because often when we want to take back control, we tend to focus on making changes based on action. For example, a new house, a new job, a new car, a new haircut, and so on. What we really need to be doing is working on our minds and starting at the very beginning by taking control of our thoughts.

To take back the power we must first know the true definition of control

In order to take back control of our thoughts, we first need to understand the definition of control. One of the main barriers we all face, at some point in life, in being able to take back control of our thoughts is our perception of control. One of the main factors causing stress and impacting our mindset is our perception of control. For most of us, we hold the belief we can control the opinions of others, people’s perceptions of us, how others treat us, what actions people take and so on. What this causes is us living our life externally. We think, act, and behave based on what is important to others, their expectations, do what is important to them, and live in a heightened sense of awareness where we second guess what others are thinking. How does that make you feel? From my own personal past experiences and that of my client's it causes; stress, anxiety, low mood, a loss of identity, paranoia, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and a tug of war in your mind between what you think others want you to be and who you really want to be.

So what is control? Control, or the locus of control, as it is commonly known, is focused on our own internal abilities. The only things we ever have control over in life are ourselves, how we think, how we behave, the decisions we make, what we choose to pay attention to, and how we respond to others. In order to truly take control over ourselves and our lives, we first need to start by looking at our thoughts, and equipping ourselves with the tools to aid us in being aware of our thoughts, how to effectively manage negative thoughts, how to have confidence and conviction in our decisions and to live life by our values and beliefs. Today I will share with you some techniques you can adopt to start building that toolkit in your mind to help you take back control.

First, let us look at some key signs you are being swept up into that cyclone of negative thinking and not having control over your thoughts.

When it comes to identifying if you are not in control of your thoughts there can be some clear signs. Do you recognise any of these in yourself:

- Overthinking and ruminating thoughts.

- Questioning ‘is this the right way to think’, ‘have I done this the right way', ‘am I making the right decision’.

- Obsessively worrying

- Paranoia

- Over-analysing everything. If we have no control over our thought's we are likely to question everything.

- When we live our life external to ourselves, our thoughts will shift to the awareness of others, for example, how they could be thinking, how they feel, and what they are doing.

- People-pleasing behaviour

- Being passive and not being assertive

- Not being able to be present in conversations as you constantly wonder what the other person may be thinking about you.

- Social anxiety

- Mental fatigue and poor sleep

Tips & Techniques to help you take control of your thoughts

To take control of your thoughts, you need to find yourself, increase your self-awareness, and work with your mind, and then you will be on the pathway to steering your mind in the right direction. Here are some great tips, skills, and techniques to get you started.

First of all, find yourself:

To take control of our thoughts, we first need to ask ourselves, what is important to me, what do I value, what do I believe in, who do I want to be, and how do I want to feel and behave. When we take time to get to know ourselves, we give our minds a rulebook. We educate our minds that to be happy and build a growth mindset, this is what I need to be thinking to support in effectively guiding my feelings and behaviour. The only way we will do this is by spending time with ourselves. Start simple, set aside time to do things you enjoy, find what motivates you, and explore your interests. By simply reading a book over reading and liking a friend's post on social media, or going for a walk instead of going shopping with others, we are already taking back control. When we guide our actions based on others, we train our subconscious mind to internalise their beliefs and values. When we focus our attention on what we are telling ourselves, our thoughts, we train our minds to internalise our beliefs and values and start to build identity, confidence, control, and steer ourselves towards seeing ourselves as a priority.

Learn to observe your thoughts

It takes less than half a second for us to create a thought in our mind. On average, we have over 80,000 thought's a day. These being a mixture of positive, negative, and automatic thoughts. To truly understand how effectively we are thinking, we need to be aware of the content of our thoughts. Commonly, we do not tend to recognise how we are thinking until we feel a certain way or do a certain thing. A great way to start observing your thoughts is by setting aside time each day to; visualise, meditate, and of course, engage in relaxation hypnosis. All these different techniques help you switch off your conscious awareness of what is happening around you so you can have some time alone with your inner self (your thoughts) so you are more observant of what you are thinking. Just like when you need to turn down the TV to listen to what someone else is saying, we need to turn off what we can see happening around us to help us to know what is happening in our minds. Entering this relaxed state of mind opens up the ease of access to your subconscious mind, which we all know is the control engine which stores our thoughts and experiences and sends up this information throughout the day to help us function. For example, our subconscious minds stores all our learnt motor skills and thoughts so we do not have to think about how to drive, or the route to work etc. These relaxed states enable you to observe and start challenging your thoughts to override negative thoughts causing you to lose control of your thinking and replace them with positive and effective ways of thinking to support you to move forwards. Almost like you are rebooting and updating your mind.

Think, Challenge, Act

Once you can observe and harness the ability to be aware of your thoughts, it is time to take action. The way to do this is through reflective thinking. To take control of our thoughts, we need to identify the hot thoughts, those that start the cycle of overthinking and analysing. One great way to do this is by having a set time each day to focus on your thoughts, which most of us may commonly do through journaling. Here are some great ways to support you in the think, challenge and act process.

One way to take control of your thoughts is to minimise overthinking and rumination. To do this, we need to be strict with ourselves and set aside limited time each day, and a set location, where we can analyse and reflect on our thoughts. We need to teach our minds throughout the day to; observe a negative thought, make a note of it, and then not address it until the allotted reflective time allocated. A great way to do this is by having a notes page in your phone or a notebook.

We also need to have a set strategy for reflecting on our thoughts. One way of doing this is by thinking backwards. For example, ‘when I carried out this action’, ‘I felt like this’, and ‘I felt like this because I was thinking….’ Then we can ask ourselves how can I positively reframe that thought or what can I be doing more of to support me to think positively. For some we may need to go into even more depth and really challenge that hot thought by asking ourselves, ‘what evidence is there to support that this thought is factual and an accurate reflection of myself or the world around me’, and ‘what evidence is there against this’. This provides a brilliant visual aid for you to rationalise those thoughts and reframe your thinking, so the next time the thought pops into your mind, you know how to override it and take control.

A simpler way can be by taking your thoughts back to your values. By outlining our values, we outline our goals of how we want to behave and live in life. Sometimes merely asking yourself; ‘does thinking this way support me to move towards my goals and values, or does it hinder me’ can change the direction of your thought. For example, if it hinders you, then you know it's time to reframe your thinking. If it supports you, you will continue to allow that thought to guide how you feel and behave. Remember it's all about choice. Finally, another simple way is by restructuring your thoughts. If you are someone who commonly starts a thought with “what will they…”, simply change the structure and ask yourself, “what do I…” doing this alone will switch the focus of your thinking and help you start thinking based on what important to you.

Choose who you spend your time with wisely

Our mind likes consistency. When you first start to take control and challenge your thoughts, your intellectual mind (rationale, logical, solution-focused mind) will take the responsibility for reflecting, analysing, and challenging your thought processes. Firstly, we need to harness control of our intellectual mind. The main way we do this is by; ensuring we engage in positive activities, doing things we enjoy, having positive thoughts, raising our self-awareness of our thoughts to reframe our thinking, and positive interaction. To take control over your thoughts you need to take responsibility for what and who your mind engages with. For example, if sitting with certain colleagues at work or following a certain page on social media is already negatively impacting your mind, you need to minimise your exposure to this. Instead, focus on what you can be doing more of with this time. Surround yourself with like-minded, positive people. In the beginning, this will aid in strengthening and boosting your mind by internalising positive thoughts enabling you at a later date, if needed, to over-ride, manage, and challenge negativity.

Practice

Your thoughts may be the fuel of the mind engine, but it still needs all the other components to take control and work effectively. We behave based on how we think. For example, we wouldn’t just go and hit someone when we are angry because it goes against who we are as being a kind person. When we behave in a certain way or complete a task, we receive external feedback from others and the environment about our performance, and internal feedback, our thoughts on how well we think we did. It is the feedback we receive, which can influence how we think and whether we choose to re-engage in that way of thinking and behaving again. For example, if we go for a run, we enjoy it, it makes us feel relaxed, it helps to calm down our thoughts, and if we think we did well, we are more likely to do that action again and continue to embed those new ways of thinking and behaving into our mind. In order to take control of our thoughts, we need to create habits. We create habits by practising and engaging with these strategies which help us to positively take control over our thoughts and not engage in ways of thinking which hinder us.

Trust your gut

Once you have the self-awareness and confidence in your ability to challenge and be in control of your thoughts, trust your gut. Your gut and intuition hold multiple memory templates of our life experiences, values, and beliefs. If you can learn to: challenge your mind, navigate your inner thoughts, quieten down your inner critic, and control negative cycles of thinking. Your gut can support you to make decisions with confidence and conviction because your mind will know the choices you make will be helping you towards what is important to you, the solutions.

Sound Complex? Thankfully hypnotherapy can help you!

I’d be lying if I said this was simple to do. What is important to remember is just like we need to eat healthy every day to maintain our physical health, we need to work on our mindset every day to maintain our mental health and well-being, and be in control over our thoughts and mindset. Thankfully whilst this can be a complicated challenge to navigate for some, hypnotherapy can help you to take back control over your thoughts and mind so you can live in harmony. No doubt you are wondering how?

Hypnotherapy can help you to learn how to access and harness control over your intellectual mind which supports rational, logical, and solution-focused thinking. Intellectual thinking is necessary to help you reflect on your thoughts and identify the personalised solutions of what actions you can take to help you develop the strategies to take control of your thoughts and create goals to work towards. It can help you recognise those signs in yourself of when you are losing control over your thoughts so you can quickly take back control and gives you dedicated time with your subconscious mind. Relaxation hypnosis can help you directly start challenging and overriding those ways of thinking which are hindering you, create new habits, and boost your mind to think more positively and confidently so you can take back control and steer your mind in the right direction.

The key pointer to take away...

In conclusion, the key message to take away is your strongest muscle and your worst enemy is your mind. To take control of our thoughts we need to dedicate time to work with and educate our mind and nourish it with positive thoughts to enable us to take control and grow. If we don’t, we become fixed, we go through endless cycles of negative thoughts, overthinking, over-analysing, and negatively impact our health and wellness. Take care of your mind, practice being in control of your thoughts, take action, and your mind will take care of you.

If you want a taster of hypnotherapy, join my free monthly relaxation sessions starting on zoom this Sunday. All you need to do is send me your email address, and I will forward you the link.

21st June 2022